Next time you are travelling to work or having a cappuccino or just sitting about, have a look round at how many people are wearing Hi-Viz clothing. An increasing amount of workers’ and sports peoples’ clothing is now reflective or Hi-Viz so that we can see them; so that they don’t get hit and therefore hurt.
Take a closer look and you might also notice something else. Even more people are wearing another form of protective clothing; one that is invisible, with transparent piping and see-through epaulettes and has a tiny-teeny, gold badge on the front with the word ‘victim, on it.
I call this a Hi-Vic Jacket.
The idea of a Hi-Vic Jacket is to protect the wearer from blame or responsibility and to keep them from harm in a society where everyone is out to get them. Without the magical powers of the jacket they are open to abuse from everybody, have their wishes and desires trampled upon and have no say in what happens in their life. The lining of the jacket states, “fault lies outside this garment”.
These jackets have always been available but their popularity and complexity has really come of age in the last 20 years. Nowadays, we are aware of our Rights more than our Responsibilities, so Hi-Vic Jackets are seemingly de-rigueur.
You can spot the latest models because they have two major design features;
- Beautifully sculptured, Velcro elbow pads known as POMs (or Poor Old Me pads). Always worn as a pair (Pom-Poms) they are a talking point of all Victims who wish to tell their story to others and hence get them to buy into and share in their sorrow. They are made of Velcro so that Vics can stick together under pressure. These pads have largely superseded the older, “Ain’t It Awful” shoulder extensions and “Why Me?” tops, last sported in this country by Mario Balotelli.
- Shoulders To Crayon. These are large expanses of plain paper-like material on the top of the jacket on which your reasons for self-pity can be broadcast to fellow admirers. They can also be usefully engaged as a prompt for dashing off a letter to the Daily Mail, moaning to the Council, complaining about the tiniest of inconveniences in life or for bitching about other type of people who do not fit your world-view.
This year when you are looking for a resolution, try your wardrobe. You will notice Hi-Vic Jackets as they appear similar to those transparent sleeves that your dry-cleaning used to be returned in; except they don’t fit you anymore.
Throw them out tomorrow night – you have changed.